Overwhelming

Well 2010 has come to an end and 2011 is here. I'm not normally big into making a big deal out of a year change, but this year feels slightly different. A little recap.

In the beginning of 2010 we had a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 week old. Husband was working two jobs and I went back to school for 10 credits online. We were planning a move, we just didn't know when or where. Around April I decided not to go back to school, we took Z to the doctor, got him an appointment with a psychologist and then a speech therapist, we found a place to move and moved, D quit one of his two jobs and then started another. July Z turned 3. August Z was diagnosed with Autism, D turned 25 and quit one of his jobs without having another. September Z starts going to school. October is our 3rd marriage anniversary, D and I decided we are both going back to school. November Z is FINALLY ready to be potty trained and we spent the next month working on it with him! Little Lady turned ONE in December and then there was the whole Christmas and family thing.

It feels like a busy year. 4 1/2 months after Z's Autism diagnosis I went to see the pediatrician. We discussed additional therapies for Z and possible genetic testing. Z's selective eating disorder has gotten worse and we have an appointment early February for him to see a speech therapist that specializes in eating. We also have a referral for OT and PT for him to manage coping behaviors and maybe work on some of his fine motor skills. School is helping him with his social skills and he really has fun there. Overall I feel like he is doing really well.

Often when some people meet him and they find out that he has autism they are like, "Really?!" Or something along those lines. I know it's supposed to be a compliment, but it kind of irritates me. It's completely irrational, but when they say that he doesn't seem Autistic I feel as if they are accusing me of lying. Trying to find an excuse or something. I know this is crazy which is why I quickly squash that feeling. I know there are times where he seems VERY Autistic. I also remind myself that the psychologist was the one who determined it after spending time with Z.

There is so much going on in our lives right now. School for Z, speech therapy for Z, possibly starting new therapies for Z, D is starting school on Monday, I am starting school on Tuesday and D is still working full time.

Our schedule will look something like D: S,S,M,W work from 5am to 3pm. M,W school from 5pm to 10pm. I will have school T,TH 10am to 2:30pm. Z has school M-Th 8:45-11:45 and T Speech at 1:30. Sprinkle in other appointments and study time and we are a busy family this next quarter.

2011 will hopefully be the year that D and I get our stuff together. Hopefully he does well in school and can find a good job coming out of it. Hopefully I graduate with my AA next quarter and can get accepted into UW. Hopefully we can keep our kids happy and safe. I hope to be a better mom and also to learn to cook a little bit better. I want to make a friend or two that doesn't mind hanging out with me, kids and all! And most of all I just want a freaking mani-pedi! I guess it's my fault for not telling anyone, but all I really wanted for Christmas was some pampering. A manicure and pedicure for sure, maybe a nice haircut and an eyebrow wax. Maybe this year? Who knows.

I hope this year holds many new things for us. I hope that all the chaos of next quarter will pay off in the end.

It's been awhile

I don't know where I left off last, I know I could check, but I have few precious minutes to type now.

I am pretty sure I have blogged since little man turned 3 and was soon after diagnosed with Autism. Little Lady is still tiny, but making a lot of progress. Took her first steps not too long ago and now we are trying to coax her into actually walking. She is babbling and starting to say Mama to just about everyone. But when you say Dada or Mama she looks at the correct parent. She seems on target developmentally, but after Z it's hard to be at ease.

Z started Developmental Preschool and is making friends and loves it there! He can't wait to go most days and it's a great break for me and the little one. Another great update with Z is that when we started Speech Therapy in late April he was basically considered non-verbal. She was not able to finish the evaluation on him and he was hardly talking. She tested him again in September and he was at the 50th percentile for his age. He's talking a lot more and we are understanding what he says more. He hasn't been in occupational therapy since this summer. The school doesn't think he needs it right now, but I may get some OT for him outside the school. It seemed beneficial when we were doing it.

We are still cloth diapering for the most part. While I am quick to grab for a disposable (yes we still buy those vile things :) ) the husband will pretty much always grab for cloth. If only I could be more motivated. Then again I do make almost all the Little Lady's food from scratch, and she eats A LOT.

I miss updating more often. My computer broke and since we don't have the money to fix or replace it I've been using my iPhone and occasionally the husbands computer. I will try to get on here more because it sure feels nice to write again.

6 Months

My Little Lady is 6 months today! While it feels as if we've had her forever, I also can't believe how time has flown.

I remember holding her for the first time, just moments after she was born, and feeling like my family was complete. I have my husband, my beautiful, special son and my angelic daughter.

My mom often told me I was her pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or something equally sweet but cheesy. My mom had 4 kids, I was the last. Two of my older siblings were particularly challenging. According to my mom I rarely cried. I was easy going and just a pleasant baby and child. Well Little Lady is to me what I was to my mom.

Kind of.

Little Lady likes to be held. A LOT. She gets upset being put down. Not to mention she still isn't sleeping through the night regularly. But it is all worth it. Just looking at her can make me feel better.

And when I feel like I want another kid? Morning comes and the kids wake up and then I realize I couldn't handle another. But damnit I love the ones I have!

My Monster

I've been in a fairly foul mood lately, too foul, I thought, to blog. I've changed my mind. I think blogging may help my mood. So where to start...

I haven't talked too much about Monster on here. I don't call him Monster because of his behavior. He really likes monsters. The cute Monsters Inc. kind of monsters. Anyways. I love my Monster boy and he can be incredibly sweet, but there is another side of him when things aren't going his way and he snaps. The screaming, the kicking, the hitting and did I mention the screaming. I can barely take him out in public anymore because it seems like ever outing ends or starts with a major meltdown. Now I know it's the terrible twos but that doesn't seem entirely normal. While I know I probably aided in this behavior I don't think it's entirely my fault. But who is to know...

I finally broke down and made a doctors appointment for him this week. I don't know exactly what I'm hoping for, but I do know I need help. Maybe even if the doctor can tell me what sort of things I could have done to trigger this behavior or something that could have triggered this. Anything. At this point I'm at a loss. I've also talked to someone about getting him and I into counseling to discuss ways for me to handle his behavior and how to make it better. Kind of like Super Nanny without the whole nation watching.

I guess that is something I will have more to talk about in a few weeks when we've seen the doctor and actually gotten him enrolled in counseling. Hopefully I won't make the same mistakes in parenting Little Lady. I don't think I will. They are so different I don't expect her to be much of a problem. She's usually so happy. Although much like her brother, when she is mad she is REALLY mad. Parenting really is a constant learning experience.

In fact the term "new parent" really shouldn't be used for first time parents. If you think about it we are always new at something. While I may have parented a 3 month old before I've never parented a 3 month old and a two year old at the same time. Nor have I ever parented a two year old before. When he turns 3 I will be new at parenting a 3 year old. And on and on it goes. We are always learning something as parents.

In other news, we signed the lease on that apartment in the aforementioned post. It's a year lease starting on May 1st. It's exciting to think of all the first my family will have there. It will probably be the first place Little Lady crawls, the first place she walks, the first place I get little Monster ready for preschool or a soccer game. We are still so new at this family thing we have so many things a head of us. It is such an exciting adventure. I love my kids and my husband so much. I can't wait for the things to come in my marriage and with my children. I will happily take all the bad because it makes the good so much better.

Much like Little Lady's screaming colic time. Without that I don't think I would appreciate her smiles or coos half as much. Or Monster's hugs. I adore when he hugs and kisses me at night. It can melt the whole awful day away. I love when I'll be holding Little Lady and Monster will come and crawl in my lap too. There really is nothing like holding both of my kids close. I only have a limited time to do so, so I better make the most of it.

Is Two Twice the Work?

Monster was really acting up today. My final days of the quarter have really been tough on him. All my attention and D's attention has been focused on getting me to pass the quarter and on the Little Miss who is completely helpless. So today Monster = big stinker. In fact he did something that was very not cool, but led to a sweet event.

Let me explain. I was in the living room and D had both kids in the room watching the health care debate. All of a sudden I hear all three of them yelling and some stomping around. Turns out somehow Monster had gotten D's watch and for some reason or another threw it. The watch ended up hitting Little Miss in the chest, eliciting screams, which D said he was sure it was more from surprise than pain. So D put Monster in his crib and came back to comfort Little Miss. In I come after talking to Monster and Little Miss reached for me!!! D said he thought it was coincidence at first, but then she clung to me, and he was sure she was actually wanting me. It was just so amazing, my little girl reached out for me because she wanted ME!

It is just so surprising. I remember Monster was about her age when he started preferring me, but she is nothing like him I forgot. I was also formula feeding him about half the time at this age, and always just assumed that's why he was clinging to me. Little Miss and Monster (who from here on out may also be referred to as Z) are such different people and kids. They have completely different temperaments.

I remember Z was a mostly happy baby, but not too happy. But he had a temper. When he was mad, he was REALLY mad. Much like Z, Little Miss also has a temper. She lets you know when she is angry. But when she is happy she is really happy. Smiling, laughing and constantly cooing. I love changing her diaper just because it makes her so happy. She starts laughing and smiling and cooing like crazy. It's adorable. Z didn't coo too much at this age. He was an observer. Little Miss observes, but joins in on the conversation. I knew they would be different, but I guess I just didn't know what to expect. I also didn't expect them both to like each other so much.

I adore how much they like each other. If Z is in a full blown fit and we're at home I can usually distract him by getting his attention focused on Little Miss. And sometimes the reverse is true. Sometimes she'll sit wherever she is (our laps, the Bumbo, her swing or laying on the floor) and just watch Z run around. She'll smile and laugh as she watches him. It's times like that that really make the hard parts worth it. I feel confident that while there may be a few episodes like today's "watch" ordeal there will be many more pleasant times because of how much they seem to enjoy each other. And for that I feel so lucky. Maybe two won't be SO hard after all. :D